Author Topic: Band Mate Drama  (Read 3676 times)

jtaormina

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Band Mate Drama
« on: April 03, 2016, 06:42:20 AM »
I play guitar in a band like many of you. It's been about 5 years for me with 4 members and 2 with a 5th. The original guitar player invited the 5th guy in and has really never seen eye to eye with him. Last practice they got into it over a song and now one of them wants to quit. Wtf. I see now why bands break up. I can't believe it's over things so petty.  its most annoying to me as we are in talks with being the house band all summer for a bar right down the street from me. And we have 4-5 gigs booked now that would be canceled. How annoying.  >:( I might be looking for a new band soon. 

galaxiex

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Re: Band Mate Drama
« Reply #1 on: April 03, 2016, 07:13:35 AM »
Sorry to hear of your troubles.

I feel quite lucky to be in a band where "ego's are left at the door".
That was the rule when I joined with the "just for fun, get together and jam people" some 15 years ago.
Now we have evolved into a pretty tight 6 piece band and still play mostly for fun but are starting to get some gigs.
We are all way past 40, I'm the oldest at 58. 2 singers, 2 guitars (me rhythm) Bass and drums.

We don't take any of it (or ourselves) seriously, and just want to have fun.
We are amateurs, tho we did get paid for our last gig even tho we didn't expect to. Volunteer charity gig.

I guess maybe it's different if its a working band trying to make a living.
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jtaormina

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Re: Band Mate Drama
« Reply #2 on: April 03, 2016, 07:33:56 AM »
Sorry to hear of your troubles.

I feel quite lucky to be in a band where "ego's are left at the door".
That was the rule when I joined with the "just for fun, get together and jam people" some 15 years ago.
Now we have evolved into a pretty tight 6 piece band and still play mostly for fun but are starting to get some gigs.
We are all way past 40, I'm the oldest at 58. 2 singers, 2 guitars (me rhythm) Bass and drums.

We don't take any of it (or ourselves) seriously, and just want to have fun.
We are amateurs, tho we did get paid for our last gig even tho we didn't expect to. Volunteer charity gig.

I guess maybe it's different if its a working band trying to make a living.

We started out doing it only for fun as well. I'm an electrical engineer full time.  We used to only do a couple gigs a year but this year we landed a bunch more than normal. I honestly hand any gig money I make over to All the places I get pedal parts/boards from.

jimilee

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Re: Band Mate Drama
« Reply #3 on: April 03, 2016, 08:01:39 AM »
That's why a band leader is essential, a room full of guys needs to have the final word. That's why I hired everyone in my last band. I pay them at the end of the night, and let them know that no one gets drunk. I've had to fire a few people as well. Sucks, but the band runs smoother.


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peAk

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Re: Band Mate Drama
« Reply #4 on: April 03, 2016, 08:38:50 AM »
That's why I quit playing in bands many years ago.

That's also why most of the best bands in history end up hating each other.

It's a crazy dynamic.

pryde

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Re: Band Mate Drama
« Reply #5 on: April 03, 2016, 09:12:15 AM »
Yup no thanks...

Stopped the band thing many years ago. I already have a 10-year old daughter so I don't need a few more in my life  :)


Matmosphere

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Re: Band Mate Drama
« Reply #6 on: April 03, 2016, 09:48:37 AM »
Being in a band because it's fun and playing gigs aren't mutually exclusive. Figure out who is sucking all the fun out of it, get rid of that person and move on.

Do you guys play original music or covers?

Muadzin

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Re: Band Mate Drama
« Reply #7 on: April 03, 2016, 03:04:03 PM »
Being in a band is just like having a girlfriend or a wife. You can do it without but then you'd just be masturbating with yourself. Musicians need to play with other musicians. And unfortunately just like a girlfriend or a wife, when they're in bitch mode the band will not be fun. But when everything is in sync the sky's the limit. And just like with wives and girlfriend the trick is in finding the right ones, and when you do to keep on working on your relationship with your bandmates.

Or you could do as jimilee, which has its advantages, although you won't really have a band but you'd be leading your own company with its employees. If any one acts up or develops a serious case of ego you can fire them, but even in the best of companies you have employees and a boss and since the former work for the latter they will never put in the same amount of effort and creativity they would if it had been their own business.

Long story short, there is no easy solution, you can only realize that you're in a relationship with other people and relationships need work to keep working well.

jimilee

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Re: Band Mate Drama
« Reply #8 on: April 03, 2016, 03:14:56 PM »
Being in a band is just like having a girlfriend or a wife. You can do it without but then you'd just be masturbating with yourself. Musicians need to play with other musicians. And unfortunately just like a girlfriend or a wife, when they're in bitch mode the band will not be fun. But when everything is in sync the sky's the limit. And just like with wives and girlfriend the trick is in finding the right ones, and when you do to keep on working on your relationship with your bandmates.

Or you could do as jimilee, which has its advantages, although you won't really have a band but you'd be leading your own company with its employees. If any one acts up or develops a serious case of ego you can fire them, but even in the best of companies you have employees and a boss and since the former work for the latter they will never put in the same amount of effort and creativity they would if it had been their own business.

Long story short, there is no easy solution, you can only realize that you're in a relationship with other people and relationships need work to keep working well.
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blearyeyes

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Re: Band Mate Drama
« Reply #9 on: April 03, 2016, 03:23:45 PM »
That's why a band leader is essential, a room full of guys needs to have the final word. That's why I hired everyone in my last band. I pay them at the end of the night, and let them know that no one gets drunk. I've had to fire a few people as well. Sucks, but the band runs smoother.


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+1 Jimi....

I sometimes build pedals as "Dan"
I built peddles for Bat Thumbís car.

jtaormina

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Re: Band Mate Drama
« Reply #10 on: April 03, 2016, 05:49:09 PM »
Being in a band because it's fun and playing gigs aren't mutually exclusive. Figure out who is sucking all the fun out of it, get rid of that person and move on.

Do you guys play original music or covers?

Only covers. some later 50s but mostly 60 and 70 pop and rock. Beach boys, Rolling Stones, Troggs, cream, Elvis, buddy holly etc etc.

I'm hoping the 3 impartial band mates, myself included, can suggest enough kind thoughts to bring the other two back to reality. We'll see.

I appreciate everyone posting your experiences. It makes me wonder how there is even enough music on the radio with how easy it is for musicians to argue with each other...

EBRAddict

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Re: Band Mate Drama
« Reply #11 on: April 03, 2016, 06:38:39 PM »
I already have a 10-year old daughter so I don't need a few more in my life  :)

I know exactly what you mean :)

markeprice

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Re: Band Mate Drama
« Reply #12 on: April 04, 2016, 08:13:42 AM »
I got one for you.  Was in a Christian band and I was the defacto "chaplin" and the person that was "managing the band" got into a huge and blatant affair that she almost advertised.  So instead of "kicking" her out, we all voted to just shut the band down.  Then she climbs all over me, and her husband too, that I wasn't being Christian and all that crap, when I could have just as easily got a vote to kick her out, which is more embarrassing in my book.  I and the rest of the band were real uncomfortable seeing her up there singing about Jesus, knowing she was screwing around on her husband, who knew she was, and her 5 poor kids knew it too.
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jimilee

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Re: Band Mate Drama
« Reply #13 on: April 04, 2016, 09:06:07 AM »
And that's why I left the church (different scenario, but everything else was the same), but that's another thread all together.


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markeprice

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Re: Band Mate Drama
« Reply #14 on: April 04, 2016, 09:10:22 AM »
I think that would be uncomfortable in any band of any genre really.  Oh an added detail...she was/is my sister-in-law....loved the family dynamics on that one!
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