Baconburgers!
I picked up a Westmark No. 10 hand mincer (through the internet... the shops in town told me to try secondhand shops), and put a bag of bacon bits through it. (Not finely diced bacon, these are bags of offcuts they shrinkwrap and sell cheap.) I also put a chopped up onion through it at the same time (a handful of bacon offcuts, a handful of onion, a handful of bacon offcuts, a handful of onion...) with a couple slices of bread at the end to try and wipe it through a bit. Unsuccessfully.
Lesson number 1: do the plate on the front up as tight as you can. I had to pull the mincer apart halfway through and reassemble it... properly, this time. At first, the blade wasn't cutting anything due to being several millimetres away from the plate.
Lesson number 2: minced bacon is really sloppy and sludgy (probably due to the fat content.) I added a lot of breadcrumbs and some egg, but the finished patties fall apart really easily.
Lesson number 3: bacon is a bugger to clean out of the mincer, due to all the stringy bits that wind around things.
Overall... not bad once they're in a bun, but I don't think I'll make them again.